I’m someone who is very thorough when it comes to research. It’s my Type A personality. I did spend 5 years researching and stewing before I got my first tattoo. And another 2 before my second one. With BDSM, I “jumped in” faster (I joined sites the same year I “discovered” BDSM), but I waited 2 years before ever actively posting on FetLife or looking for a Dom.
But in those long period of times, I also sometimes jump ahead with timelines during my research. When I was still writing my first novel (that I published—under my real, vanilla name) I was also researching marketing tactics—too bad I didn’t actually have time to use any of those tips, I might be making more money now, if I had.
Anyway, I digress. I’ve read lots of articles about collars’ meanings (e.g. the differences between a protection, consideration, training, ownership, and day collar). I’ve spent many hours scrolling through Etsy finding pretty collars (collars | day collars) and reading FetLife (and LovingBDSM) forums about where people get their own collars.
But I still have a few questions. Because besides one page, I can’t find a place that describes the physical differences between the above collars—how do you know by looking that one is a collar of consideration vs a training collar, etc? Is it the color? One place said blue is a collar of consideration, but I can’t seem to find that same statement corroborated anywhere else? The material: fabric vs metal? Because I see a lot of metal collars and that doesn’t leave a lot of room for variation (besides silver vs gold vs rose gold, whether to add an O ring, number of D rings, types of decoration). Is it whether it locks permanently and whether it locks in the front or the back?
And then there are the collaring ceremonies. Because the books I’ve read featuring collaring ceremonies were very similar to each other, but still different. The Serve series didn’t show any collaring ceremonies, but the books that even involved a collar were presented in a big jewelry box like an alternative proposal scene—which is cool.
My point is: I want to know so I know what to expect when I eventually (and who knows when that will be) need to start thinking about collars for myself. The only thing I know for certain is that I will have a day collar. And maybe my Dom will let that be my only collar. But if not, I need to know the answers to my above questions. And I would even like to know them for when I start going to munches—because while not every owned sub will be wearing a collar to a munch, I want to know what their collar means if I see it.
In conclusion: if you have any answers or information about collars, or places to buy pretty collars (if metal, I prefer rose gold above everything else just because it’s so pretty), I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
My favorite BDSM podcast just released a blog post today about collars and I’m so excited for their newest