I’m someone who is very thorough when it comes to research. It’s my Type A personality. I did spend 5 years researching and stewing before I got my first tattoo. And another 2 before my second one. With BDSM, I “jumped in” faster (I joined sites the same year I “discovered” BDSM), but I waited 2 years before ever actively posting on FetLife or looking for a Dom.

But in those long period of times, I also sometimes jump ahead with timelines during my research. When I was still writing my first novel (that I published—under my real, vanilla name) I was also researching marketing tactics—too bad I didn’t actually have time to use any of those tips, I might be making more money now, if I had.

Anyway, I digress. I’ve read lots of articles about collars’ meanings (e.g. the differences between a protection, consideration, training, ownership, and day collar). I’ve spent many hours scrolling through Etsy finding pretty collars (collars | day collars) and reading FetLife (and LovingBDSM) forums about where people get their own collars.

But I still have a few questions. Because besides one page, I can’t find a place that describes the physical differences between the above collars—how do you know by looking that one is a collar of consideration vs a training collar, etc? Is it the color? One place said blue is a collar of consideration, but I can’t seem to find that same statement corroborated anywhere else? The material: fabric vs metal? Because I see a lot of metal collars and that doesn’t leave a lot of room for variation (besides silver vs gold vs rose gold, whether to add an O ring, number of D rings, types of decoration). Is it whether it locks permanently and whether it locks in the front or the back?

And then there are the collaring ceremonies. Because the books I’ve read featuring collaring ceremonies were very similar to each other, but still different. The Serve series didn’t show any collaring ceremonies, but the books that even involved a collar were presented in a big jewelry box like an alternative proposal scene—which is cool.

My point is: I want to know so I know what to expect when I eventually (and who knows when that will be) need to start thinking about collars for myself. The only thing I know for certain is that I will have a day collar. And maybe my Dom will let that be my only collar. But if not, I need to know the answers to my above questions. And I would even like to know them for when I start going to munches—because while not every owned sub will be wearing a collar to a munch, I want to know what their collar means if I see it.

In conclusion: if you have any answers or information about collars, or places to buy pretty collars (if metal, I prefer rose gold above everything else just because it’s so pretty), I’d love to hear from you in the comments!


My favorite BDSM podcast just released a blog post today about collars and I’m so excited for their newest episode in 2 days on the topic.

4 thoughts on “Collars

  1. Collars, let me tell you how i love collars! lol!
    I have 3 types of collars that i wear . I have my day collar , that i wear 24/7 and i am only allowed to take it off if my Dom says i can or if it is a medical emerancy. It’s a simple silver chain that is joined in the front by a large sliver o-ring and smaller silver o-ring. the larger ring is my Dom and the little one is for me and means that we are joined together. I then have bedroom collars that i wear in bed at night. These are silk ribbon Kitten collars or Soft calf leather collars, in purple. My Dom puts them on at bedtime and changes it my day collar in the mornings. these collars have a small d-ring on them with my silver tag read ‘Mouse’. I will also wear this type of collar when we have friends over to the house to play . I then have my play / club collars. These are wider leather collars (still soft leather and are lined ). Mine have small round headed spikes on the , as this is a common sign that I’m collared and only play with people i want to play with. It has a large d-ring that has a sliver tag saying Mouse on the front and my Dom name on the back. if in a club my collar has a sliver chain lead with a purple leather handle lead attached as a safety and control aspect. i also have ankle and leg cuffs that i wear when playing or in clubs, My Dom puts them on and removes them.
    Again i think type of collars are very much up to the Dom and Sub. A collar is a very personal thing and takes a lot of thinking about! you could try this list
    and this is fun reading to
    Pixie x x x x

    1. When I became owned, I was given an anklet that had little handcuffs and diamonds on it. Since then I’ve graduated to a chain and an actual collar (black velvet with a gold O ring on it) and my new day collar (simple silver with a cross pendant and interchangeable silver disc). Master determines when I wear the black one, usually it’s when I’m being punished. The chain is on when in his presence, and the day collar is never be removed. I’ve only been in this lifestyle for close to a year, but I imagine that I’ll graduate to where Pixie is eventually. I found my collaron Amazon. Surprisingly they have some really nice ones.

      1. Thank you for sharing! You say the day one never comes off, does that chafe when the black one has to go on? And do you pick and buy your collars or does your Master?

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